Chapter 5

The lights in the room suddenly went out.

I felt a constriction around my waist, and I was pulled onto the table by the vampire.

"A new employee? So ignorant of the rules."

"Drink this glass of red wine, and I might spare you."

I instinctively looked at the red wine, my heart sinking.

That wasn't wine; it was clearly fresh blood!

You vampires are sick!

My mind cleared completely, and I swiftly spun the round table, moving the red wine away.

Because I spun it too fast, the glass fell to the floor.

The long-haired vampire instantly became furious, its electronic screen face glitching like a bad slideshow.

"So unappreciative? Are you tired of living?"

My face twitched, scared out of my wits.

*Inside, I was thinking: I'm sorry, please be magnanimous and forgive me this one time.*

But my mouth retorted:

"Are you out of your mind? From today on, my goal is to manage you!"

The long-haired vampire's menu face flipped through pages, stopping on "Human Face Salad."

It growled:

"Sharp-tongued and thick-skinned. This human face salad is perfect for you."

A butcher knife flew horizontally towards me.

I tensed up and sprang back.

*Inside, I was thinking: Please, I promise I'll never offend you again.*

But my mouth shot back:

"How much fake wine did you drink? You still have time to kowtow and apologize to me!"

The light in the room dimmed another notch, and I completely lost sight of everything.

This made me incredibly nervous.

I quickly pressed the Fragile Heart, calling for the double-headed werewolf's assistance.

Two bouncy objects launched themselves in front of me. Obeying my command, they bit onto the long-haired vampire.

"My hair! You two are not getting out of here today!"

The long-haired vampire's voice was like a drill at 5 AM, piercing my ears.

Before my eardrums burst, I grabbed the forks and lunged, clamping them onto its mouth.

The room suddenly fell silent. Half a minute later, a string of cunning laughter erupted.

"Ga ga ga da ga ga da ga ga da!"

It was the sound of the two heads laughing.

*Inside, I was thinking: This is an emergency, now is not the time for you to goof around.*

But my mouth demanded:

"What fresh gossip did you uncover? If you don't tell me, do you want to be folded like a phone screen?"

The two heads immediately rolled to my feet.

"We're laughing at how pathetic it looks! It used to be our superior!"

"Always barking orders, acting like a total jerk!"

"Today it ran into you, and it finally bit off more than it could chew! Let's see it act all high and mighty now!"

I was confused. I had only used forks to clamp the long-haired vampire; that shouldn't be much of a skill.

But the long-haired vampire was absolutely furious.

"Are you two insane, mocking me right to my face!"

Seeing it about to attack again, I tightened my grip on it with the forks.

Every time I clamped down, it lost its ability to move.

After clamping it ninety-nine times, the long-haired vampire finally deflated.

It hung itself upside down from the ceiling with its hair.

"How embarrassing! I'm going to strangle myself."

I felt a pang of guilt.

*Inside, I was thinking: Come down, I shouldn't have treated you like that. I'm a bit sorry.*

But my mouth snapped:

"You little brat, no one gets to take your life except me!"

The long-haired specter's electronic screen face instantly went blank.

After a moment, it floated back down to the ground.

A system notification sounded:

"Player detected to have completed side quest: 'Don't Get Too Big for Your Britches.' Reward: 'Golden Forks of All-Clipping.' Please use this item wisely."