Chapter 2

The words on the wall were like a curse.

I stared at that line for a while, then tore the paper down, crumpled it into a ball, and threw it in the trash.

I put on my school uniform, shouldered my backpack, and left.

I did not eat breakfast.

The pot was empty, and my dad was not home.

I did not know where he had gone, and I did not want to know.

When I got to school, the first class was math.

I sat in the last row.

The seat beside me was empty.

No one wanted to sit with me.

Because I was “sick.”

Ethan had asthma.

My dad had a rule that when I played Ethan, I had to take medicine on schedule.

To keep him from noticing anything wrong, I put vitamin tablets into an asthma medicine bottle and brought them to school to take.

I also had to pretend to cough and pretend I could not breathe.

Over time, the whole class knew Noah had a straight-A brother who had died, and that Noah himself was mentally unstable.

“Split personality.”

That was the nickname they used for me behind my back.

During break exercises, I stayed in the classroom instead of going.

Because Ethan could not do intense exercise.

A few boys walked in from outside, talking and laughing.

When they saw me, their laughter paused, then they deliberately lowered their voices, but still spoke loudly enough for me to hear.

“Look, that split-personality freak is pretending to be dead again.”

“I heard his dad is crazy too and picks through trash on the street every day.”

“So disgusting, he was taking pills earlier, and who knows what he was actually taking.”

I lowered my head, looked at the words in my textbook, and pretended I had not heard.

Suddenly, a hand slapped down on my desk.

I looked up.

It was Ryan.

Ryan was the class president, with good grades, a clean look, and a lot of friends.

He looked at those boys and frowned.

“What are you saying? You don’t have to go do exercises anymore, huh?”

The boys curled their lips and scattered.

Ryan pulled out the chair beside me and sat down.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“I’m fine.” My voice was cold.

“You didn’t take your medicine today.” He stared at the inside of my desk.

My heart tightened.

“I forgot to bring it.”

“Don’t you have asthma? You can forget your medicine?” He looked into my eyes, as if trying to see through something.

“It’s not serious.” I turned my head toward the window.

Ryan did not press further.

He took a piece of White Rabbit candy from his pocket and put it on my desk.

“For you.”

I looked at the candy.

Ethan liked White Rabbit candy.

Noah did not like it, because Noah thought it was too sweet, sweet enough to make him sick.

“I don’t eat candy.” I pushed the candy back.

Ryan froze for a moment.

“Didn’t you used to love it?”

I did not speak.

Before was before, and now was now.

Last night, I smashed the music box, and I took off the sneakers.

I did not want to pretend anymore.

Ryan sighed and took the candy back.

“Noah.” He suddenly called my name.

I turned my head.

“Actually, I know,” he said, lowering his voice. “You don’t have asthma at all, right?”

My hands clenched hard.

“I’ve seen you switch the medicine bottle,” he said. “You dumped out the white pills and put yellow vitamins inside.”

I stared at him, my heart beating fast.

“What exactly do you want?” I asked.

“I don’t want anything.” He looked at me. “I just think you’re living too painfully.”

“I don’t need you to care.”

I stood up and walked out of the classroom.