Chapter 3

The next morning, there were only four days left before the caravan was to depart.

Yesterday's short ride didn't aggravate my old injury. I changed my clothes, hung the water bladder on the saddle, and went to the neighboring village again.

Bren was waiting for me at the camp.

Upon seeing me, he took a letter from his inner leather pouch.

"It was sent back last night."

I took it and immediately recognized my sister's handwriting.

Before the seal was even broken, Rowan's voice could be heard from outside the tent.

"Put more thick blankets in the carriage. Her mother has bad knees, so she should walk slowly on the mountain path."

My hand stopped.

Through the half-open tent flap, I saw Clara standing beside him.

She looked up at him, her smile impossible to hide.

"Actually, it would have been better to just have her come with the caravan; there was no need for all this trouble."

"Didn't you say you hadn't seen her in a long time?"

Rowan tightened the ties of her cloak for her.

"Since you want to see me, let me bring you here to stay for a while. I'll have a guest room prepared."

He said it so naturally.

It's as if missing loved ones is a small thing that can be satisfied at any time.

Clara's mother hadn't arrived yet, but he was already thinking about the bumpy road, the thick blanket on his lap, and even whether it would be convenient after settling in.

The last time I mentioned wanting to see my sister, he just hugged me and said that Bai Song hadn't replied yet.

"Maybe she's been busy lately. Don't overthink it, you still have me."

At that time, I leaned against him and was sad for a long time.

Outside the tent, Clara reached out and brushed a fallen leaf off his shoulder.

"You always think things through more thoroughly than I do."

Rowan lowered his head and smiled.

I lowered my eyes and opened my sister's letter.

The very first line of text made my breath catch in my throat.

"Nora, you've finally written to me."

I stared at that sentence and read it again.

How could it be "finally"?

I clearly wrote it.

When the wound stopped bleeding, when I stood up again for the first time, and when I was finally able to transform back into my wolf form in the yard last month.

I want to tell her everything.

But what my sister wrote next was:

“I’ve always been worried that my advice to go back to Baisong to recuperate last time made you feel like I was interfering in your life.”

"Later, Rowan sent someone to tell you that you were unwilling to listen to my advice or see me, so I stopped asking the caravan to send you anything, for fear of embarrassing you."

The paper made a soft rustling sound between my fingers.

I pressed it onto the desktop.

My sister's handwriting is still the same as I'm familiar with; when she writes quickly, she always adds a long, thin stroke at the end.

"Your old room has been kept. The stove has been repaired, and the window cracks have been resealed, so it won't let in drafts in winter."

"Come back. Don't worry about where you'll stay."

I only realized at the end that tears had fallen onto the back of my hand.

So she hadn't forgotten me after all.

She didn't refuse to have this younger sister just because I chose to stay.

She always kept the room for me.

But someone refused on my behalf.

***

When Brun came back in, I had already folded the letter.

What did she say?

"She will wait for me at the border."

My voice is still a little unsteady.

Bren nodded, unfolded the caravan's route map, and pointed out the place where we would rest for the night.

I carefully noted down every single detail.

Where can I get water? Where are the empty sheds? Which section of the mountain path must be traversed before dark?

Finally, he glanced at my legs.

"It's okay if you go slowly. The truck won't leave you behind."

I nodded gently.

"My horse walked with us. It knew the White Pine Road well."

Bren put the drawing away and asked, "Is there anything else I need to do?"

"From now on, I'll leave any letters I send with you."

I put my sister's letter into my small pocket.

"Do not entrust this to anyone other than me."

The sound of horses' hooves could be heard outside.

Rowan took Clara and left the camp.

I didn't go out, nor did I call out to him.

I have more important things to figure out now.

***

Back at the castle, I went straight to the steward.

"Who has received all the letters Bai Song sent over the past six months?"

The manager was taken aback.

"Give it to Alpha."

"What about the ones I sent out?"

"Yes... send it to him first."

As he spoke, his voice lowered.

"After you were injured, Alpha instructed that he should handle all letters and visitors first, so as not to disturb your recovery."

I looked at him.

Six months ago, I did have a period where I was unable to get out of bed and had no energy to handle things.

I personally asked Rowan to help me look at those supply requests from other villages.

I didn't let him decide for me whether I would still receive letters from my sister.

"Take me to get it."

The manager hesitated and did not move.

"Alpha hasn't returned yet, should we wait—"

Those are my letters.

I've made myself very clear.

"Take me there now."

***

In the cabinet against the wall in the study, letters from different wolf packs are collected according to their origin.

The steward took out the stack that belonged to Bai Song and handed it to me.

The top part shows this year's grain exchange arrangements.

Further down, you'll see my sister's handwriting.

One letter, two letters, three letters.

I slowly sat down.

The earliest letter was sent shortly after I was injured.

"If it's inconvenient for you to travel, I'll come and pick you up. Just focus on healing your injury; don't worry about anything else."

The next letter contained a small strip of dark blue cloth.

My sister said she made me a new winter coat, looser than before, so it wouldn't hurt my legs when I put it on or take it off. She was worried I wouldn't like the color, so she cut a piece off and brought it to me first.

I touched the cloth with my fingertips.

Soft and thick.

Last winter, I sat next to Rowan and asked him if his sister wasn't planning to reply to my letters anymore.

He reached his hands under the blanket and took my cold feet in his.

“She has her own life, Nora. Don’t always be sad about these things.”

I remember the expression on his face when he spoke.

There was no impatience.

He even had the kitchen send over hot soup, personally brought it to me, and watched me finish it.

That letter, tucked inside a piece of cloth, was perhaps placed in this study at the time.

He watched me wait, watching me repeatedly wonder if I had said something wrong.

I clenched the strip of cloth in my palm, and my chest tightened.

"lady……"

The manager called out to me cautiously.

I looked up.

"From now on, any private letters sent to me should be handed directly to me. If anyone comes looking for me, they should ask for my opinion first."

"But what about Alpha..."

“I will talk to him.”

The manager finally lowered his head and responded.

I continued looking through the pages after he left.

At the very bottom of that stack of letters, there were two familiar envelopes.

The wax seal was intact.

One letter was written by my own hand, telling my sister that I was now able to walk through the castle courtyard on my own.

The other letter was sent after waiting for a long time without receiving a reply.

I remember asking myself inside:

Are you still angry with me?

It turns out they never left the castle at all.

My hand remained on the two envelopes for a long time without moving.

Compared to the kiss in the hunting lodge, at this moment, I don't even know where to put my pain.

He could hold my hand and watch over my wounds night after night.

It can also quietly block my outstretched hand from reaching out to my loved ones.

***

As the afternoon sun streamed into the bedroom, I took out my luggage.

My sister's letter, that dark blue cloth, and two letters that were never sent home were all placed in a close-fitting compartment.

Afterwards, I went to pack up my belongings that I had left in the castle.

not much.

A change of clothes, a few old items suitable for traveling, a small comb left by his mother, and a short knife he used when patrolling the forest.

Rowan gave me many things.

Soft dresses, exquisitely decorated jewelry, and gifts filling the entire cabinet.

In the past, whenever I received something, I would carefully keep it and remember what he said that day.

Now, I looked at each item one by one, and finally just closed the cabinet door.

The bouquet of dried flowers brought back from near the snow line is still in the small box by the window.

When I picked it up, one of the already brittle petals had fallen off.

I still remember Rowan's hands, which were red from the cold.

I also remember that when he handed me the flowers, his eyes were only on me.

Tears welled up again.

I didn't wipe it; I just bent down, retied the loosened ribbon, and put the box back in its place.

It can stay here.

I've already packed what I need to take with me.

***

In the evening, the steward came again.

He stood at the doorway, holding a folded piece of paper in his hand, looking troubled.

“You mentioned this morning that you wanted to rearrange your visitors and mail. There’s something I think I should let you know.”

I took it.

That wasn't a family letter.

It was an order Rowan had written to the guard captain a month ago.

The text mentions my old injuries, the potential dangers at the border, and the last line reads:

"Without my permission, Luna shall not be allowed to leave the territory with any caravan."

Below is his signature.

Looking at those words, I finally understood why he could promise to take me back again and again, but never worried about leaving on his own.

He had already closed the door for me.

The steward looked at me and asked in a low voice, "Should we ask Alpha to come back for you?"

I folded the paper.

"Need not."

After he left, I resumed following the route Bren had drawn for me.

Previously, we had agreed to travel with the convoy through the southern checkpoint.

Now, that road can no longer be followed the same way.

I picked up a pen and marked the forks in the road before the checkpoint on the map. Then I took out a piece of paper to leave a message for Bren.

Four days left.

I need to find another way out.