Chapter 4

I didn't tear up that no-entry order.

I folded it neatly and put it into my bag.

Every word on the paper was clear. There was no vague wording, and nothing that required my explanation.

He could coax me by saying he'd come home with me sometime.

The guards, however, received a different set of instructions.

When dinner was served, the maid asked me if I wanted to wait for Rowan to return.

"Need not."

I put the map in the drawer and sat down at the table.

The soup was still hot. I slowly finished it and then ate some bread and stew.

The road ahead won't be easy; I need to conserve my energy.

***

The next day, there were three days left before departure.

Rowan arrived very early.

I was putting on my shoes by the window when he came over, squatted down as usual, and tried to tie my shoelaces for me.

I tied the knot first.

His hand stopped, then he grasped my ankle and gently placed it back on the ground.

"The steward said you took those letters."

"Um."

"Nora, I know you'll be angry."

He looked up at me, his eyes filled with weariness.

“Your sister kept urging you to go back to Baisong. At that time, your injuries hadn’t healed yet, and I didn’t want you to go through all that trouble.”

I looked at him for a moment.

"So you're telling her I don't want to see her?"

Rowan did not answer immediately.

"What about the letter I wrote?" I continued. "I just wanted to tell her that I can walk now. Why can't she even know that?"

His fingers slowly tightened.

"She will come to pick you up once she finds out."

That sentence was spoken very softly.

But I heard it clearly.

It turns out he didn't forget to send it, nor did he fail to handle it in time.

He knew what I was waiting for, and he also knew what my sister was waiting for.

He refused, so none of us got to see him.

Rowan stood up and reached out to hug me.

“I almost lost you back then. You have no idea how scared I was to see you being carried back covered in blood.”

I remember.

But I also remember sitting by the window, looking again and again at the gate through which the messenger passed.

“I’m all better now, Rowan.”

"I know."

"Then withdraw the order that forbids me from leaving the country."

His body stiffened for a moment.

A moment later, he released me and stroked my face.

"Wait a little longer. There are a lot of people coming and going lately, and I can't guarantee that every caravan is reliable."

I looked at him and slowly took his hand away.

So, it still doesn't work.

“I can bring your sister over.”

He spoke quickly, as if he had finally found a way to make amends to me.

"She can stay here. You can keep her here as long as you want."

I didn't ask any more questions.

He can arrange for someone to come, and he can decide who to leave. He's even willing to put a lot of effort into it.

My choice, however, was never taken into consideration by him.

Seeing that I was silent, Luo Wen lowered his voice even further.

"Don't look at me like that. It's my fault. From now on, I'll give you all my letters, okay?"

I nodded.

"I will receive my own letters."

He visibly breathed a sigh of relief.

After planting a kiss on my forehead, he said, "Let's go to the lake after we're done with these few days."

I looked out the window and didn't answer.

***

In the morning, I went to a neighboring village.

Bren's face darkened after he saw the travel ban.

"If you go through the South Gate, you'll definitely be stopped."

"I know."

I pointed to a narrow, old road on the map.

“Charcoal used to be transported here; horses could walk on it. After crossing the ridge, you can connect to the road outside the checkpoint.”

"A section of that road collapsed."

"I'll go take a look."

Bren frowned, his gaze falling on my left leg.

“I won’t force my way through with this injury,” I said. “If one road is blocked, we’ll find another. But I need to see it with my own eyes.”

That afternoon, I led the gray horse to the entrance of the old road.

I remember every fork in the road.

Before becoming Luna, I had returned lost wolf cubs from here, and I had also led a team to check the empty sheds along the way before it snowed.

Now the grass has grown tall, and some branches have drooped down, blocking the original path.

I tied the horse to a sheltered spot and lurched forward a short distance in wolf-like form.

There were fresh deer hoof prints in the damp soil, and the scent of foxes lingered beside the fallen tree trunk.

The landslide didn't completely break off; only the outer side was washed away by the rain. Horses could still slowly make their way along the mountainside.

I did not go any deeper.

When my old wound started to ache, I turned back and noted the situation along the way on a map.

This journey will be a bit slower than going through checkpoints.

Let's set off earlier then.

***

When I returned to the castle, Clara was already waiting outside the bedroom.

She was holding a pair of men's gloves.

I recognize it; it's the one Roman Tam always wears.

He left with me.

She handed me the gloves, her gaze fixed on my face.

“I originally wanted to return it to him directly, but I felt that there were some things you should know.”

I didn't answer.

"Give it to the servant."

Clara's laughter paused for a moment.

"Aren't you going to ask him why he left those things at my place?"

"I have been to Donglin."

Her hand slowly fell to her sides.

I looked at her.

“The windows of the hunting lodge weren’t closed properly. I also heard some of what you were saying.”

The corridor was quiet for a moment.

Clara quickly raised her chin again.

"Since you know that, you should also understand that this won't end just because you're unhappy."

I took off my cloak and draped it over my arm.

"You came here to talk about this?"

"I just hope you won't make things difficult for him anymore."

She glanced at the bedroom behind me.

“You have the status of a partner, this castle, and everyone’s respect for you. But he also needs someone to accompany him out, not someone to stay by your side every day to watch over your wounds.”

My fingers tightened on the cloak.

Clara saw it, and her voice grew even softer.

"Do you know what he's like when he's with me? He laughs, argues with me about which mountain path is faster, and forgets about the time to come back."

She paused.

"He can't take care of you forever."

I looked at the gloves in her hands, and my chest still ached.

Rowan used to run with me through the mountains and forests.

He turned down the forest patrol team for me, postponed my return home, and then, in another relationship, enjoyed the life I was asked to give up.

"You can go directly to him wherever you want to go."

I reached out and opened the bedroom door, standing in the doorway without letting her in.

"Don't use my injury as an excuse for your actions."

Clara's smile faded.

"Nora, is it really necessary for you to keep going like this?"

"I'm waiting for you to leave."

She stared at me for a long time, then suddenly lowered her voice.

"Even returning to Baisong requires his approval. What do you think you can change?"

I did not answer.

She probably thought that was the silence that was being spoken of.

Finally, she placed the gloves on the low cabinet by the door, turned around, and left.

I closed the door and stood leaning against it for a while.

Then, I took out the map and rewrote my own time next to the caravan's original departure time.

Two hours in advance.

***

For the next two days, I did not try to get Rowan to accompany me.

I completed the handover of the supplies one by one, and personally watched as the thick blankets were delivered to the two villages that lacked winter clothes.

The gray horse was fitted with horseshoes suitable for mountain roads, and dry food and water were packed in the saddlebags.

Bren went to confirm the other end of the old road.

We agreed that he would lead the caravan through the checkpoint as usual and wait for me by the old sheepfold outside the border. My sister would also receive a new meeting point.

I did not ask him to deceive the guard for me.

I want to walk that path myself.